Ripples of Wisdom Home Page

Home

Basic Wisdom

I think that power and wisdom are two of the words people tend to not understand. Wisdom can be mistaken for intelligence and power can be mistaken for authority and control. - Peg

I never knew a definition for wisdom. I thought it was a wise guy, wise acre, wiseass. But wisdom is nothing more than knowing the things that I can change and the things that I can do something about. It isn't a big mystery. If it was, I couldn't have it. It would be too big for me. Really, wisdom is being smart enough to know what is your business and what is your neighbor's business. - Sharon W.

It is something that we can experience with each other. We don't have to stand there and act like we know what we are doing when it comes our turn. We don't always know what we are doing. We have to have somebody there saying, "Well I don't know either, but I am with you." - Gretchen

A woman understands a woman. I think it has to do with life-bearing. We are strong because we have had to go through a lot. We have never really been alone even though it may have seemed like it. There has always been another woman who has gone through the exact same turmoil at the exact same time. We can draw strength from that. When we are at our highest and happiest. When it is a joyful time, there is a woman down the street or in the grocery lines that is enjoying a wonderful time. We prop her up too. It is a "we" thing when it comes to women. It is a "we" thing. We are never alone. - Sharon W.

Be Remembered

I would like to be remembered by family and friends as a woman of peace and love. Giving and sharing what I could of myself and that I have made a difference by being on this earth. I truly believe that is what life is about. - Linda L.

Just being remembered would be fine [Laughing]. - Sally

I would like to be remembered as myself. To be remembered as someone who did what she liked to do when she liked to do it. Remembered as a go getter who enjoyed her family and her friends. I would try anything once, as long as it was something she should try. That is also something that I would have to say to the young people, 'Don't wait.' I have kicked myself many a time and said, 'Why didn't I do that?' When the time presents itself, take advantage of it, do it today because tomorrow you might not get that chance. - Karen S.

That I was a really good gardener. I am really proud of that. Living gently on the earth. Sometimes just floating. - Terry O.

I would like to be remembered by family and friends as the crazy lady! Which fits with my desire to not follow any tradition. I have tried a little bit of everything. - Sue H.

I have thought about the word legacy a lot. I think it is important for all of us, to leave at least something, not a monument, but leave something behind to help somebody or make a difference. That goes back to the parable of the Good Samaritan. - Betsy F.

I would just like to be remembered as a joyful person. Letitia means joy in Latin. It has been one of my striving goals to live up to my name, you might say. - Sister Letitia

I would love to be remembered like my grandma. She had friends. She had faith. She had a cheerful spirit. She lived in a little town and knew everyone that lived there. She never did anything rich or famous. She wasn't the best cook or seamstress. She did crossword puzzles and counted cross-stitch. Everyone who knew her loved her because she was just nutty. That would be just fine with me, to be remembered as the person who was fun to be with. - Jan

I don't know if it is important to be remembered. - Donna

I would like to be remembered for having a sense of humor. I hope I made people laugh. I am not Mother Teresa by any means. Maybe she had a sense of humor, I don't know. She probably did. She would have had to have a sense of humor to do anything like she did. I was listening to Carl Rhiner once and he was proud to say that all of his children were non-toxic individuals. I hope I am a non-toxic individual. - Amy

There was a time that I wanted to be remembered as the top sales person. And I was. Today I want to be remembered for the only thing that matters to me - my relationships - that I was a loving, caring mother and grandmother. Period. - Bonnie

There was a time that I wanted to be remembered as the top sales person. And I was. Today I want to be remembered for the only thing that matters to me - my relationships - that I was a loving, caring mother and grandmother. Period. - Bonnie

Caring For Yourself

If you paddled all the time you would get exhausted too. You need those times to rest. - Terry B.

As women, the older women were taught that everybody came before us, our husbands, fathers or whomever. We were always the lowest on the totem pole. Then it dawned on me that it is time to take care of yourself. It is a very hard decision to make. That one very small word "No" is very difficult to say. It gets easier with time. - Shaughn

I learned a lot from my mom and some of it in a not so positive way. She had a role of being a housewife and mom even when those roles were not around anymore. The kids were raised and my dad had died. She just kind of gave up. What I have learned is that you have to have your own passion. You have to wake up everyday and say, "This is what I want for myself." There are people you care about and want to be with and do things for, but you have to have something that you are passionate about. - Deborah

Accept where you are and make the most of what you are doing right now, whatever it is. Even if it is something that is bad or difficult and painful, this is where you are. And instead of waiting to get through it, acknowledge this is where you are and this is what you deal with now. - Kathryn

We need to have time to be still. Busyness keeps us from being still. If we give ourselves time to be still this is when we do our spirituality. This is when we do our soul work. This is the value of stillness and why it is very very important. If we keep busy and diverted, we never ever truly get in touch with ourselves. - Sally

I can go on empty for a long time, but I don't enjoy life. - Gretchen

Eventually my body will tell me. Anytime I am under any kind of stress my body will tell me really quickly. Things just go to heck, or I get sick. - Alice

Risk-taking has increased a lot because for me. Now I think, "What is the worst thing that could possibly happen? Oh I might meet some nice people; I might have fun and, okay, let's see if I can handle that now." What we focus on expands. There might be a grander adventure on the other side of that hill. If you never go to the top of the hill you will never know. - JoAn

I used to feel guilty if I did something for myself or even took a break. Now I just go out on the porch with my coffee and relax. My husband is out there working his butt off and it feels great because that is his choice. - Terry B.

I am the one that has to take charge of where I go in this life. It doesn't matter if I am alcoholic or not. I have a different concept about what life is about. Life is about healing ourselves. Our skin scabs over. We have tears to keep that pain away. The laughter, too, feels good and lets that stress inside go. It is beneficial in a lot of ways, to go back to that spiritual way of life and spiritual train of thought. - Barbara

Always celebrate on your birthday. - JoAn

Most of the time in my life I couldn't even have thought of being alone. I couldn't stand to be alone. I had to have somebody around all the time. But not anymore. I like being with other people, but I also like very much to be with myself and like my company. What I think wisdom is about is being smart enough to know what is your business and what is your neighbor's business. - Sharon W.

I think my energy level now is in direct proportion to how happy I am with myself. Using it more wisely, choosing where I am going to put my energy and to what I am going to devote it is the key. - JoAn

I think a lot of people don't always know when they need help or are able to accept it. Sometimes you have to be gracious and accept help whether you need it or not. Once when I was going into the hospital, an older man held the door for me and I thanked him. He looked very sad and said "This is about the only thing I am any good for anymore." I thought that is really a sad situation. But maybe he felt just a little bit better by opening the door for me. I don't know. - Winnie

Choices

I have seen the benefits of taking risks. Now I consciously, once a week, I say I have to do something that is fearful for me. A couple of years ago I jumped out of a plane, which was major. I wouldn't do that one again. But for me something that can be just as fearful can be making a hard phone call or taking a step to do something that I have always wanted to do. I have learned over the years the benefit of taking risks so I consciously put it into my life to do weekly. - Deborah

I was independent and I did as I damn well pleased. I set my course and I followed it. But it was the "speed bumps" that occurred in my life that created the challenges and the growth. That development made me a solid individual. You give yourself permission to be who you are. - Sall

I think choices are part life. We choose to be where we are; if we are down and out and everything is a problem and 'woe is me' you chose that path. You can choose to get out of it. Just choose. I have someone in my life I call the 'Turd of misery.' Since I have known her it has always been "Poor me." Every time I see her it is a great big old pity party. I want to bring balloons and candy and stuff for the pity party next time. - Mary G.

Everywhere I lived people were the same way. If that is what you are looking for, if that is how you live your life, that is the way it is going to be. But when you make a choice (we all have choices), when you choose to live life differently and you make your new circles, then things will change. - Elaine

I don't think there are any wrong decisions. They are just decisions based on what we know. They are not written in stone. I used to think that before I could make a decision to do anything or go anywhere, I needed to know exactly how everything was going to turn out before I did it. Once I made a decision there was no changing it. That is not true. Bad decisions are decisions I make based on the information I have. They are decisions I make based on how old I feel that day. I make two-year-old decisions or six-year-old decisions some days. But I make decisions. If it doesn't happen to be what I want, then I make another decision to do something else. - JoAn

Courage

I think some of us think we are not courageous, because we are just common people who don't do big things in life. But courage to me is when you are scared, you are shy. Maybe you are scared of talking like this, but you do it anyway. You are scared of opening yourself up and talking like this and afraid you will forget what you are going to say. You don't have to be the president of the United States to speak publicly. To just be in a group and speak when you are afraid takes a lot of courage. Going to a party with strangers takes courage! Bravery is taking small actions and growing as people when we confront our very small demons. - Lydia

As far as being courageous I probably am not courageous, never the less that is okay. - Lou

At times we think courage is about these great big accomplishments and tackling great problems, but sometimes it is the simplest little things. It is the courage to be myself. Sometimes that is what most of us are so terrified of allowing anyone to see who we really are. What are they going to think of me? How am I going to present myself? This should be the simplest thing for us. If we could do anything right it should be to be ourselves. That is what it means to be courageous. When I come across someone who is truly genuine and not afraid of looking silly or laughing at themselves I love it. 'I don't care what anybody says. I am true to myself.' I don't do this to the point of hurting other people, but just fully being who I am and embracing it. You either like me or you don't. I don't take offence and I won't get a big head. This is the way I am and I am happy to be that way. - Leslie

Being courageous means having fear, but doing it anyway, knowing that one's Great Creator is there with them every step of the way!! Faith can move mountains, fear doesn't! - Linda L.

Finding Your Voice

One thing I have developed over the years is a great respect for women's ability to share things with each other. I think that is tremendously important because I grew up in a time when women didn't share. We hid behind our high heels and our pompadour. It wasn't a sharing thing between women. - Vi

What I saw and experienced was all I had to direct my life. It was my reality. It was a very limited perception of what life is, so I walked into a life of abuse. I thought to be strong I shouldn't talk. I didn't have a voice. I thought to be a strong woman I had to keep my mouth shut, take the beating and go on with life the next day. Then I found my voice and it stopped. - Barbara

Women speaking up is what we need to get the balance back in this world. - Mary O.

I was shy when I was in school and I ended up in an abusive marriage for 20 years. I have five boys. I remember when someone would ask me what I wanted or what I thought, I felt like I did not have anything to say. Because for 20 years I was never allowed to say what I thought, I basically stopped thinking and kept it all inside. Then when I found my voice I was a chatterbox. - Peggy

In groups I was so full of fear because it was going to be my turn to talk. When I finally got to talk it was about crying. So I went to that group, I worked at talking and I did my crying. Then I knew I needed to listen. I knew I needed to really listen to everybody. So every time I made myself sit on so I would have to listen and wait to talk. That was a hard thing to do because now I wanted to talk. - Elaine

I am an immigrant and have come from a long line of male dominated women. My journey has been finding my own voice. It has taken a long time. I encourage young women to not be afraid, to be who they are and speak their truth. - Ana

When your spirit is dull from abuse or discrimination it is hard to speak. So you can't say "No" if a man is going to do something to you. You can't say "No" if someone is going to do something to your kids. You don't have those kinds of skills. Now my spirit is full. I feed it all of the time in different ways. But I have to acknowledge everything around me. I have to listen to other people and have those relationships with their spirits, to be inspired by them and everything else in creation. - Elaine

Honoring Elders

It is really nice to honor older women. In America we are not spoken for that much, nor are older men actually. We don't respect people who are aging, but hopefully, the baby boomers, which some of you are, will change that. There will be so many of you out there. We are already seeing changes in the commercials on TV. Commercials are now more pertinent to older people. - Lydia

Humor & Happiness

Life itself is funny. Look at yourself in the morning. Then you make it through the day and start all over doing the same thing the next day. How dumb is that? - Mary G.

Did we know what happiness was when we were 29 or even 34 years old? Could we answer that question then? What is happiness? We were people who were performing what we thought was our job or our duty. - Sandra

I wouldn't have survived without humor. It was my ability to find the silliness in bad situations that saved my sanity. I guess it was a defense mechanism that just came up in childhood. - Shaughn</p>

I think the most important thing in my life has been laughter. If I can spend time laughing with my family and friends, that just really makes my day. - Penny K.

I have specific ways I get to humor. One is watching I Love Lucy videos. I was recovering from surgery and I started every day watching an episode. There is one I could watch over and over and that is the "Chocolate Factory." I "go find" humor. If it is not there I go find it. It is what gets me through life. Especially if I am dating. [Laughter] - Deborah

I was in a water park in the Wisconsin Dells with my daughters. I floated alongside a little boy who was floating on the inner tube and he said to someone in his group, "You know, I feel just like a Cheerio in a bowl of milk." He was the cutest thing. He was a 6 or 7 years old. I just wanted to be that cheerio. - Nancy O.

Laughter is essential... and being able to say, "My God, here comes another wave." I can joke about it differently than I did when I was younger and know that this wave will pass too. - Deborah

I think humor is an easier flowing energy. The opposite of it is just too draining. I guess that is why humor has helped me get through life. I had a friend who was coming to visit and I needed to get my house clean and I was planning on doing just that. I came home and the electricity was out. So what did I do? Well I at least needed to clean the bathroom. So I cleaned the bathroom by candle light. Whether or not it really got clean I don't know. And I was thinking: 'How was I going to get all this stuff done?' Then I decide to do what was important. Clean the toilet and that was it. - Mary Jo

If you can release your stress you can't help but be happy. Just look at animals, cats particularly. They are happy all the time. They have no stress in their life unless you move your foot too fast when they are walking by. Then they go straight up. So they have, what?, ten seconds of stress and then they take a nap. We can learn a lot from cats. - Mary G.

Life Perspective

50 was absolutely fabulous. It is freedom. It is a sense that you are a grown up. It doesn't matter how you view yourself or whether you wake up and understand all your warts and know where all your weaknesses are, or your faults and flaws, or that you feel silly in this area or that area. You are a grown up and nobody has any authority over you unless you let them have it. - Mary O.

Life doesn't get any easier you just keep getting better at it. - Gretchen's Grandmother

I used a metaphor with my husband who died of cancer. It is this: there is a great possibility I could die before you. I could get hit by an 18-wheeler. I call it my 18-wheeler metaphor. There are no guarantees in this life. We lose our life. We don't live in the now, because we think we can do it tomorrow. To appreciate what we have right now is really the gift. The spirituality to understand this, and assimilate it and really appreciate the things that are given to us is the gift. The gift of this gathering is very very great. - Sally

I did what made sense at the time. It is not a matter of what I didn't do, it is a matter of a person's journey. What matters is what I am doing now on this journey. - Millie

The other day I was sitting along the river, I had a little free time being the support driver. It was a beautiful day and I was watching a leaf floating down the river and made an analogy between the leaf and the path we choose in our lives. The leaf floated with the current, the leaf hit turbulence, the leaf went into rough waters, and the leaf stagnated during calm times. I wondered if it takes current or agitation to create change in our lives. When things are too easy we tend to not make any moves and get a little lax, a little lazy. Then all of a sudden there is a gust of wind and things are shaken up and we have to react. - Nancy H.

Life is a journey we need to take. It is a journey that will include all that you have experienced and all you will experience. Our job is to learn along the way. - Nancy R.

For me navigating the river of life means determining at what point you trust yourself and your own inner voice. I trusted my inner voice when I was younger, but I have mistrusted it for a long period of time in my life. It's not that you can't depend on other people, not that you can't be supported by other people. You need other people in your life to support you. But you really do have to trust you. You live your life day to day. Nobody else does. You can take bits and pieces of that wisdom to help you navigate the river of life so you don't get sucked into the flow. Whatever direction you choose to go is okay. - Jane

Decide how you want to live your life and then find the job or the method that will allow you to live that life. If you don't listen to the voice inside you, you can miss your opportunity. It may take you longer to get there, but as long as you get there before you are breathing your last what is the difference? - Mary O.

I like what we are doing here at this gathering because I think we all have a part to play to create peace. I think it is a privilege and we all need to really lift up our voices both in prayer and in support of people. - Paula

'Things happen as they happen and what ever happens happens.' When I can believe that I do okay; I won't get all shook up. That is how I hold my life too. No matter what I have gone through, here I sit; I am 52 yrs old, and I just keep coming through everything. No matter what takes place in my life I am going to come through it, in some manner and it may be life changing for me. If I keep putting that foot forward it is going to be okay. I don't always know how. I must let go of some of the fear by learning to embrace whatever the emotion is. It is hard some times, depending on what the emotion is, but I always do and that is the good part. - Kitty

I find some of the things I thought were the most painful, and those things I didn't think I was going to get through, are the things that have taught me the most. I have used that learning from them the most and it makes me who I am. If life were just floating down the river then we would just float. Everybody needs to hit some rapids! - Terry B.

If you float you go wherever the current takes you and you see some stuff you wouldn't have seen otherwise. There is something to be said for just getting up in the morning and doing what the day dictates. My friend Sal would say "Taking in the day" and taking in the next day, and taking in the season. - Terry O.

I agree, there are no coincidences. It is synchronicity. It is like flags are raised and say, "You need to go in a different direction." I know sometimes I struggle, but when I can get this perspective it is "Oh yeah I see now where that was leading me." - Mary Jo

I like sayings so much and one of my favorites is 'No now is forever.' And that is so true. If things are going bad, it is not forever, hang in and it will get better. One thing I have really learned is that if it is good now, stop what you are doing and savor, savor, savor every minute of that good now. Sometimes they even get better. One of the most important things to me is remember that 'now not is forever.' When it is bad it is going to bet better. Look at the sky and watch the birds. There is so much to do. You can do it anywhere you are, or any time you are down. Nature has magic. - Bonnie D.

I believe in the snowball effect. One negative thing leads to another. The other side of that [being positive] is an even bigger snow ball. If you are nice to one person, even if it is only for a moment, it makes that person's day better. Then they might be nice to another person. - JoAn

When I look back at the years when I was working, my vision was always to the day I could quit, to the day I could move on and could go somewhere else. I never really sat back and enjoyed where I was at the time. I was always looking ahead. In ten years I will have what I want? - Sandy

I think everyone has to rethink what success is. Success has such a wide possibility of definitions. My idea of success is when you are healthy and if you are happy. If you'e not healthy, you probably not going to be happy. Maybe you don't know it, but many rich people are not happy. So what is success? I think pretty much, it is if you are healthy and if you are happy. - Bonnie D.

Marriage

Marriage puts you into a situation to get to know yourself better. - Nancy R.

The thing I am always concerned about is women being independent before they are into a committed relationship with a man. Be self sufficient and independent. Find out who you are away from your family, your friends and from high school. Go away. The only way you find yourself is when you don't have those roles to play anymore. Go away, even if it is for just a year. Go to a different place in the world. You will be so amazed at who you are and what you can do. - Kathryn

I have a niece, she is sixteen and she can not imagine herself without a boyfriend. She breaks up and quickly gets into another relationship. And now she is getting married. These are the types of young ladies that I wish could be rescued some day, because they are missing so much of life.
They have already fallen into this trap. Marriage is like a little prison. They are only allowed to be a woman 'this way.' They will not be adventurous, but afraid to travel the world, or jump in a canoe, or whatever. This freedom is something young women still haven't found. I am shocked at how many of them are still in the cuffs and ankles stuff. Hopefully women will spread the news and say, 'Hey, guess what? There is a life out here above and beyond.' - Sue H.

A piece of wisdom I'd like to share is that I got married at age 45 and I encourage everyone to wait until they are at least 45, unless having kids is important to them. - Deah

My marriage was my life, the church was my life, and then our divorce came along. All my friends were there so this was a big blow that just shook me up. For a while, you sort of pull in, at least I did. I pulled back. It is sort of like a death of these things I used to believe in. What do I believe anymore, who am I? I had to go into myself and find strength within because I could no longer rely on those people I knew and for understanding myself. Since then it has just been great. - Sherry

Parenting

My grandmother Louise responded to one of her daughters when she asked "This person can play the piano. This person has a beautiful voice. What is the talent that our family has?" My grandmother replied, "We have the talent to appreciate it." She would always say goodbye to us with either, "Stay as good as you are." or "Stay as nice as you are." - Maureen

One thing we have to try to instill in our youth is our traditions and our culture. Our children shouldn't be imitating gangs. They think it is all glamorous. - Sharon F.

I have one thing that I think of as one major mistake I made with my children. I tried to give them too much. Even during those tough times when I was just divorced and we didn't have any money, I would find a way to get things done. It is still difficult today. I want to treat the grandchildren all the time. It just it takes a major effort to say, "Hey, the simpler the life the better it will be in the end for sure." There is so little any of us need. Kids will often pick up an empty box and play with that versus an expensive toy. I really I think my kids are blessed right now. They don't have much money. They can't get into that situation. It is going to be better for their children for sure. - Bonnie

I honestly think everyone comes from good. We recognize it. Not everyone has had the opportunities to be in good situations all the time. Some people's opportunities have provided them with more. Regarding children, we are responsible for presenting them to other young people. We can help them by volunteering. I am still learning a lot. - Maureen

I have a plaque on my kitchen wall that my day care kids made me 18 years ago. It is a piece of cardboard on the wall and it says "I promise to be a kid and just have fun." They wanted to do the pledge every day, so that is the way we start our day. I still live by that. - Mary G.

My husband and I have worked with youth a lot. Other couples would ask us what clues we had for parenting, especially teenagers. We both would say this one; just enjoy them - just enjoy them. We are reaping the benefits of having enjoyed our children. I think people that feel they have been enjoyed have much to offer the world. - Millie

I hear this from so many of my contemporaries. Most of my friends are in their late 70s or 80s. When I hear these people say "I spent all those years raising my children and now look what they give me. Not enough." Nobody is happy with what their children do or give them. I am sick of hearing it. I guess that is mean of me to say because we all have to share our feelings about our families and our children. But I think too many parents put expectations on their children. When they are 18 they say "I want you to go to college and become a dentist or I want you to go to trade school and become a mechanic." And the children don't want to do that.
When we get older and our children are grown up and independent of us we still shouldn,t put any expectations on them. I know that hurts a lot of people who are alone. Once we reached our senior years it would be nice if all those kids lived down the street in a little house with a white picket fence, but they don't. I have a child I don't hear from for months. But I have let go of that because that is where he is. I know he would be there for me if I needed him. I have other children that can't go a day without emailing and talking to me. Sometimes I think, "Can't you just leave me alone for one day?" - Sandra

My children have young children and I look at them and I see myself. Oh dear, I think, I did the same thing. Unfortunately, I didn't have a mom to lean on at the time, so I try to guide my children in a nice way. I suggest, 'Maybe you should approach this in a little different way.' - Linda B

I know it is tough to parent. I know. I see a lot of parents today who, for some reason, think they need to be friends with their kids. It just kills me. I still believe in values. I don't believe in accepting what the world says is okay - like people coming to my house and sleeping together if they are not married. It is my house. I hear everybody does it. I say, I don't care. Quit being so accepting. - Bonnie

I want to share the only advice my mother gave me when I had children. She said, "It is your job to raise them to be independent and accountable for what they do. Nothing else. So if they grow up and move on and do their thing, you have done your job." But I keep telling my kids they owe me nine months carrying charge. My mother said we shouldn't expect a lot back from our children. If they give it, great. If they are happy with who they are and successful with their family, then you have done your job. Look at animals; they keep their babies a year and then, Bye! Sometimes that would be nice. - Mary G.

Relationships With Others

Find affirming people.- Mary Jo

My son's girlfriend was sad the other day because he is not reliable. She was crying in her youthfulness "Do you think he will ever change?" I said, "Oh yes I can guarantee he will change. It might not be for the good, but he will change. We all change. You need to love him first for who he is and not for who you want him to be." - Jan

Nurture your friendships with other women. Sometimes I just need to step back and gather with women. I have had some incredibly life changing experiences by just being with other women.- Terry B.

I will love my friends unconditionally forever. Today I pick and choose my friends. There are some people that maybe I don't want as my friends and that's okay. I do have choices. It is all about relationships to me and that I am honest. That is one thing about me. If you ask a question you will hear it. You'll get it. That is where I am at today and it is so different.- Bonnie

I ask myself, what I could do to show love more in my life. If I am walking through my neighborhood on my daily walk I can choose to greet the people I meet or not. What would be a loving thing? Maybe that greeting would help somebody's day and I wouldn't even know it. Maybe there would be this ripple effect. Maybe stopping to tie someone's shoe in school and while I was doing it ask them something about their baby sister, instead of just being in a hurry to tie their shoe would make a difference. You know, little acts of love...that is what I mean. What didn't I do today or in the last hour that really could have made the world a different and better place for people? Not asking as a guilt thing, but rather being reflective. What different way could I do something to share that love and be open about my own spiritually?- Jan

Cultivate healthy relationships with healthy people. The ones we call family may not necessarily be the ones we grew up with.- JoAn

I would do things for people and then expect something back. I had expectations of everybody. But I let go of that because it doesn't work. Now I get up every day and say "FUN!" Whatever I have to do today is great, because I like everything I do. I have made my life like that; everything I do I like to do. If today it's to stay home and clean and iron, I turn on my favorite music and I love the day.
Sometimes I have felt guilty if I am busy for days because I have been having fun doing all the things that I like. I have not talked to all my friends to see if they are fine or if there is a need. Then suddenly it just hits me like brick. Oh my gosh, I haven't called Heather, or Arlene. I hope they are okay. Then I spend a half a day or a day writing cards or making phone calls because that is a need I have. I come off this high of doing everything for Sandra that makes me feel good and my world hits me in the forehead. I think, "There are other people in the world besides you that need you." Well, they don't need me; I need them worse than they need me. I need to touch these people and to hear them and to know that they are happy and well and content.- Sandra

One of the nice things about being married for over 50 years is that we totally accept each other for who we are. We don't need to ask permission from each other. When I decided to come on this trip I arranged it and told him I was going to go. He can go anywhere he wants to go with my blessing. Many times we have real separate lives, but we have a very close relationship. We have let each other go. Like Kahil Gibran says, "You let it go and it comes back to you." That is what has happened to our relationship. It wasn't always that way. The interesting thing to me is where we started out when we were first married. The things we thought marriage was and where we are now, well it is not the same cat. There is a lot of growth that has taken place and a lot of big rocks in this river we traveled together. I am glad I stayed with him.- Alice

I know it is tough to parent. If I have done what I feel is the best for my children, even if it wasn't so popular, it will come around to be a blessing when they do grow up. That is what I have seen. It is hard to be a tough parent. Tough love and saying no is hard. Fighting the norm of today's world is really hard, but it is still the best way. It will still bring the biggest rewards and blessings in life later on for everyone.- Bonnie

Respect

We asked a lot of questions as we got a bit older, before I left home I learned some of the Finnish language. My grandmother didn't speak English, but when some of the kids started school she insisted that they take English so she could learn English. Grandmother had the foresight to know that when they were around people, they didn't speak their language. They spoke English so that people wouldnt assume that you were talking about them.- Amanda

Share With Youth

What I would share with a younger woman is that sometimes you need to step outside your comfort zone. If you are used to something sometimes you just have to go one step farther and take a chance on doing something else. - Barbara S.

I say don't judge, enjoy. I had to walk around in shorts at the age of 21 with these big thick stockings on my legs, because I had blood clots. As far as trying to think I was sexy, that that idea went right out the door. Just enjoy and accept people for whom and what they are. As soon as you think that someone doesn't have anything to offer, that will be the person who offers you the most. Whether it be man, woman or child, that it true. - Ellen

One of the things that I would love to say to younger women starting out is to love and honor yourself first because all of the rest of your life will be so much better if you can do that. When you spend so much of your life feeling like you are not valued and loved it is just awful. It wasn't during the times when everything was going so well and everything was just falling into place that I was really learning and growing; it was during or right after those bad times. So remember when things are really going bad or you are going through a lot of pain or whatever and you will look back and say, 'Wow, I have really come a long way from that.' - Connie K.

I would tell younger people, 'Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't be afraid to have fun and laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself so seriously.' Just live your life fully and be true to yourself, be who you are and think it will all work out okay. - Leslie

I used to be a size twelve and I thought I was really fat, I always wanted to lose weight. And then I was a size fourteen, and I felt I had to keep loosing weight. Now I am bigger, so I tell my friends who are size twelve who want to loose weight to just be happy with your body and make the most of it. That is a wisdom I wish someone would have told me when I was a size twelve. - Deah

What wisdom would I like to share with younger children as they travel their river of life? I think the truly wise don't touch that with a 10-foot pole. I see the yearning for independence. I see the uncertainties and the trials they are going through. My best contribution is to stand back and say, "It is your choice. I will support you." Those are the hardest words you ever say as a mother and a grandmother. - Vi

I would like our young people to know the power of their voices. I would like them to know their stories, our stories, because they teach a different culture and a different way to look at life, which is good. I would like them to know their history. If a person's stories are not told, if your history is not told, then you do not exist. You go through that education system and you are not there. What are you? You're nothing. You do not exist. It is important for us to become the writers, the actors, the singers. We have to do that. We have to become the doctors so that we can tell our stories and have our own voices. - Elaine

There is one thing I wish I would have been told when younger. That is, never be afraid to make a mistake. If you try something and it doesn't go the way you intend, don't feel as if you failed. Learning from mistakes can give you great confidence. Be open minded if you try something new. Don't be so rigid in your thinking that you won't allow yourself to change your idea as you pursue it. I like to tell myself to relax my thoughts. In other words, be open to new ideas, either your own or someone else's. Creative thoughts will begin to flow through your mind and soul. - Lorrie

I have three sons and two daughters. My hope is not only for my daughters but for their friends as well, is to be true to themselves. I hope that my sons will honor the women they are with. I have too long a history of being dishonored as a woman. Regardless if you are a woman or a man, be true to yourself. It is the essence of life. There is a very high price to pay when you don't do that. I encourage young women to not be afraid of being who they are. - Ana

I would want to tell younger women to keep moving forward with respect and patience for self and others. We can have it all if we are willing to dare to be different. Move slowly. Remember that the freedom you want for yourself you must allow others to have. - Millie

Don't change who you are to fit in. If people don't like who you are, get out! - Mary G.

Living on one's own, we find out who we are, what we can do, without all of those other expectations. Young women will be so amazed at what they discover about who they really are and what they are capable of, on their own. I would advise any young woman, whether or not she is contemplating a commitment to a partner, to do this. - Kathryn

Spirituality & Religion

The first question for me is how you find your place on the planet. This has been a path for me. I grew up in the tradition of going to church on Sunday with the family. That always felt wrong to me. We learned "we are right, they are wrong." How can the whole world be wrong? It just can't be right to be so exclusive. I guess I have always been a seeker and looked for the truth in whatever philosophy without limiting myself to, "Oh I am sorry that is out of bounds." - Amy

Spirituality has helped me on my path. It has given me the courage to move forward and look at different parameters in life and different belief systems. I have learned how to open my life to different perspectives, which has been just a tremendous gift. Right now I want to move forward in how. I call it the 'big HOW' versus the 'little how.' The 'big HOW' is about me being honest open and willing, rather than the 'little how,' which has always got me stuck my whole life. The 'little how,' which to me means 'HOW can that possibly happen?' I missed so much in my life because I just didn't know how to move forward with it. If I am open, honest and willing then anything is going to be possible in my life. When I put it out to the universe it opens up many possibilities that can take me places that can help me in how I am going to move forward, whether it be the 'big How' or the 'little how.' My brain is too little to think that I can move forward on my own. There are so many facets to learn from mindful meditation and yoga or going to an intuition workshop. - Kitty

Years ago there was a store named Kohl's Furniture. The advertisement said All roads lead to Kohl's. I got lost in South St. Paul one night and where did I end up? In the parking lot at Kohl's Furniture Store. I said, 'That's right. We are all on a different road to Kohl's.' I will find out if I am right or wrong someday. - Mary G.

Spoken or unspoken, spirituality is important in our lives. For many people it eventually ends up being their quest - that thing that they are searching for. Unexpected things take us there. Often the worst things in our life completely change our lives. It is then we really reflect on what life is, what value we give it and how we choose to live it. - Rebecca

Spirituality, I decided it is intertwined with life. Our spirituality is always growing and changing. The more information, and the more differing information or diversity we gather the more it improves our own spirituality. Make it a habit to be more spiritual. - Debbie

My spirituality stirs within me. It causes me to strive to pay attention to the movement within me, to recognize consolation and desolation as part of life, part of the onion peeling process. It connects me with all of creation. I love the saying The better I get to know God, the better I get to know myself. The better I know myself the better I know God. I think that takes a lifetime. If you live a long time that means you needed it. - Millie

I am not comfortable going into new situations where I don't know anybody. But that is something I have become very aware of that I need to do. When things like Heather's invitation happen I need to go there. I need to be there for some reason. What spirituality means to me is being aware of what is going on around me in my surroundings and being willing to participate in it. That for me is a really big deal - participation. - JoAn

I am 65 and my spirituality has been a very strong influence in my life. I was raised Episcopalian. However, I kept thinking there had to be more to it than books and people telling me how to believe. I was a farm girl and I knew there were cycles to life. I put that in the back of my head. Then some where after my teen age years I became interested in astrology. The science of cycles and the planets. I am a practicing astrologer along with being a nurse. I have gone more to the earth-based spirituality because that fits my needs and has for the past 25 or 30 years. - Shaughn

God spoke to us last year on the boat. Our motor wasn't running and there was a storm coming in and I kept saying to the guys "When are we going to get done fishing? We got to get to shore." Finally I said, "Oh God will you just make up your mind." All of a sudden there was a bolt of lightning and everybody threw their fishing poles down and starting rowing. Boom! There was the answer. - Mary G

Spirituality - The word is obscure for me - not something that can be explained easily. However, when I realized that religion and spirituality were two different things - it was an important turning point for me. I began to be more appreciative of the world and people, able to see the big picture, relaxed and peaceful, more adventurous, happier. My heart and soul have never stirred in a church or through some religious ritual as they have while walking through the woods, sitting by the water, collecting rocks, building a fire, or with a good laugh. Today, I feel closer to God than I ever have and I thank her constantly. - Kathryn

I don't understand the word stress. I don't understand where it comes from and why it has to exist, because when you have faith and you turn things over and you let them go there is no reason to have any stress. And that is how I lived every day of my life. - Agnes

The bigger piece is to have that inner strength that you get when you have a sense of something greater than yourself. I truly don't think it has to be Christian. I think it can be Buddhist or whatever, I just think it has to be something. If you have that relationship with God you can do it. There will be things that are so big in life that you need that relationship in order to get through. - Jan

Be careful what you pray for you. Be very specific in the tiny details concerning what you ask for. The details are important. If you pray to not be so angry or to have patience, know that you are going to get a lot of opportunities to practice that particular request. You will have lots of opportunities to see how strong you are and how much progress you have made in that area, or non progress if there is such a thing. - JoAn

For me, spirituality is about the universe providing. Put out there what you want. It may not come in exactly the way you think it is going to come. That is not our job; our job is to put in our request. It is like my mentor, Carol, says, "So you go into a restaurant and you put in an order. Do you go back to the kitchen and watch to see if they are making it right or not and tell them what to put in there? Or do you put in your order and wait for your food to be delivered? You receive your food as you ordered it. So put in your order to the universe. It will be supplied in one way or another. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But as long as you hold that vision it is headed toward you. Then be willing to receive it when it comes. - JoAn

It seems like I was always in this world, (the Native American world) and still in the white society. So when we were on the reservations I remember a lot of ceremonies there. Then when we moved to church school where we had to study the catechism it was okay. To this day when you talk about spirituality I can accept anybody's concept of what spirituality is. I believe a lot. I have learned a lot from both. It's not which way is right or wrong. I think you gain a lot from what ever your personal beliefs are. I know I am lucky that I have a knowing about both the Native American practices as well as my father's Christian practices. - Sharon F.

Nature was the umbilical cord that kept me connected to beauty and truth. Marrying and having children taught me patience and love. Loss taught me acceptance. My spirituality strengthened. Life influences my spirituality and spirituality my life. They are not separated. - Susan

When I feel out of sorts and unbalanced I know if I go into the woods everything is right. I can just step on that ground and the path is right there. What ever is going on becomes right. - Peggy

I had it explained to me that we all have our own spiritual journey and religion is there to support it. Religion is man-made, but our spiritual journey goes to the core. There can be other things that support our spiritual journey, whether it is prayer, whether it is communion with the out of doors, or the fellowship of others. It is like a map. I think things get messed up when you make religion and spirituality one and the same. If you can keep them separate and have the one support the other life can be very rich. - Nancy R.

I have a date with God the week after I get home to him. We are going to meet at a Caribou [Coffee Shop]. He is going to sit down and explain to me why I have gone through these last nine years. For six months I told him I hated him. What are you doing to me? Why is this happening? And then I came to grips with things and I said, "Let'S sit down with a cup of coffee and you can explain things to me. I will not question it until then because I was told never question what happens to you. There is a reason. - Mary G.

Survivors

I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my whole life fell apart. I lost a breast and I thought I was losing my life. Every time I had an ache or a pain I would call Mayo (Clinic) and I say, “I am on my way down.” I figured I was dying...and I died for five years. Now I am still alive! One thing I have discovered is that today is the most precious commodity you could have. It is not always over the next hill. It is right now. It is right in your own back yard, or at your own kitchen table. You don’t have to go anywhere. - Sandy

When you face your mortality and realize you are transient on this earth, that you are only here for a split second and that split second is staring you in the face, it is quite a realization. There are no guarantees in this life. That is what the cancer experience does. - Sally

You eliminate real quick what is not important. And my life was littered with things that were not important. - Terry B.

I am 59, almost 60, and a cancer survivor. Getting through cancer makes you realize and appreciate every single day you have on this earth. That is why I enjoy things like the greenery. I enjoy life even though it is raining. In the winter I just love to cross country ski, while my husband is complaining about the cold. I don’t care because it is nice to be alive. It is nice to have the chance to see things. I just appreciate life. Everyday is special. - Melanie

The first week in November I was told I had gastric cancer. I am so eternally grateful I had those challenging experiences behind me that gave me strong faith through all the crises. To face this one stronger than I had ever been before was awesome. So today when something tough comes up I always say, “There I grow again.” I don’t look at tough times or crisis as a bad thing. I just don’t! I just look at it as I am going to learn. I am going to be a better person. I am going to be able to help others. - Bonnie

I am 52, I think. The biggest piece of wisdom I have, and have actually said to people is this: “You have survived everything that has happened to you to get where you are, so there is nothing that can happen that you are not going to get through.” Some days it doesn’t seem that way. Sometimes those days are all strung together in a row. Basically my strength comes from within. The truer I have been to that, the more I have been able to be of good to other people. - Ronnie

Thoughts On Men

I think it is real important to value men as well as women and to have that balance and sharing back and forth. Neither one is more powerful than the other. We each have our own strengths. - Peggy

My grandma Ruth used to say “Well honey, those men they just don’t know how to think. They try and they do a lot of things really well. They are really good at what they do. But the thinking thing is just confusing. They ask you a lot and you just have to help them.” - Gretchen

Are we ready for a woman president? It really hit me because I look at this world and get so upset. No, wait a minute - the balance is off. We need both in charge because we need nurturing and thinking. I think we need to have women in influential positions to bring out their aspects which help this whole universe. - Nancy R.

The men need to organize. They need to start walking beside us or a step ahead of us and start protecting us. Men are the leaders while we are in the community doing the work. We are right where we are. It is beautiful. There is no reason why we can’t be successful. It is about attitude about self. We have to start talking a different talk before things will change. There are more women willing to give of their time to make the sacrifices. As for the men, we will keep asking them to walk with us. - Elaine

It is a whole different kind of living when we share with each other. I don’t like the “which side is better” competition thing at all. I sure would not want to get rid of one or the other. Not just one sex can prevail. - Gretchen

The BaHi faith says that men and women are two wings of a bird. You can’t fly with one wing. It has to be balanced. - Amy

Women’s Intuition

Praying and following the Native way for me has been nothing short of a miracle. I worked in Cass Lake and there were just so many things to do. I was trying to organize a family service center and there was a million things to do. I never knew which thing to do first. But if I stopped in the morning and put down my tobacco into the lake and said a prayer and followed my intuition, that day more miracles happened. I was at the right place at the right time with the right things happening. Maybe that is “going with the flow.” For many years I was ruling the universe, pushing the universe. Now I say, “Just don’t push the universe. Just let the universe push you around a little bit.” That is where I am. - Peg

In thinking about spirituality and how it has affected my life, I think I have always been a deeply spiritual person. I have not necessarily linked that with any formalized religion because organized religion left me with some bad experiences and impressions of people. One of the things I have always done appears to be connected to the lives of my grandmothers. I have always known in my gut what needed to happen next. That is the path I have followed. I used to say the path with heart, but over the years I have realized it is my gut that knows if something is right or wrong. I don’t necessarily know where the path is going to wind up, but I can intuit when it is time to make a change. I may not necessarily be comfortable with where that change is going to wind up. I have followed my gut and with few exceptions have been able to travel and flow with that kind of direction to my life. - Ronnie

Earlier in life I would have wanted to know I had more empowerment. To know the things women know are important! They may not be scientific or be able to be proved, but we have intuitive knowledge. Intuitive knowledge gets devalued in today’s society. I don’t think it was always like that. We can get back to our intuitive knowing. - Peggy

Following my intuition made a difference. Regrets I have heard from people are always about what they didn’t do. Not for things they did do. There is something to learn from every experience. Always do the best you can and 99 percent of the time you are right. The other one percent of the time we don’t know what we are doing. - JoAn

Women’s intuition - Is it just intuition? Or is it our spirituality? Are we getting messages? I call it intuition, but I think it is more than that. It is a greater spirituality in our life. Intuition seems quite simplistic. But when I review the things in my life that were born out of intuition and things that were just thought, the things based on intuition were much more adventurous and successful. The things that took a lot of deep thought became too complicated. - Debbie

Pay attention to that wee voice and that intuitive stuff. As a woman I think one of the biggest struggles for me has been self-trust because there are a lot of systems and people that make it difficult. They say, “You don’t feel that way.” We as women can help support each other by at least paying attention to others words and intuition. - Bonnie